Juno Birch 👽

It sounds weird but at this point I have started romanticizing homelessness. I look at homeless, poor people, children women and then drinks outside and I start thinking wow I wish I was homeless like them so I could fucking be outside and go wherever I want without thinking or worrying about anything and not have any desires to buy something or do something I want. Be homeless just roam on the streets and. Night, beg money to get something to eat if you don't get it just search trash or sleep anywhere till next day lollllll Ofcourse it's a momentary thought I would never wish for myself or anyone to be homeless but my life has come to a point where I see literally anyone and wish it was me. Homeless, chronically ill, rich poor, bastards, mistresses, maids, cleaners.. . anyone like,, literally anyone I see i wish i were them even though I know they must have their own problems in life but I am so so soooo limited and restricted. my younger self- the ambitious passionate kid.with thousands of ideas, plans and dreams- which was suppressed enough to die, wants to live again.. maybe the end of my limited life is near because I can feel all my desires and hopes and dreams staring at me from the corner but I am restricted. I am disgustingly limited.

Has anyone ever seen the movie girl interrupted? You know the part when Winona Ryder(fav actress by the way) she looks a lot like my older sister. Well back to topic. The part she's shaving her legs without privacy. Or the part they want to remove her "door" and invade her boundaries. Well yes, that part. My mother is literally Whippy Golberg in that movie.

I didn’t have many positive experiences with my sister, other than she would pick me up as a child to play with her son. Until one day her half sister and son said I was a bully and a problem. Then she stopped. So i struggle to see it that way. however, months ago I messed up and felt horrible over some rumors about how she had really viewed me. I thought my sister and I had worked through our past altercations (that she claims were my fault), and i truly believed it would be alright in the end had I took the blame, I thought she was my best friend in every conceivable way. However, obviously thats not how she seen me. One day she just stopped responding to my texts. She fully cut me off out of her life again out of the blue, no warning. I learned why and like always im the one always made to be the real villain. She was under the impression that she was being manipulated and lied to by me. She spoke to our brother and he told her everything that happened during our fall out and showed her my text messages. She grew upset and said I was an evil, deceitful, liar and wanted nothing to do with me because all I've ever have been known for was "creating problems or drama" however, she still hasn’t contacted me. I don‘t want to bother her or force this, or come off as smothery. I've learned to take the hint. I feel so let down, hurt and confused. Sometimes this gets into my head, and I begin questioning myself. I just miss my sister. I feel horrible because she also blames me for my fathers death and calls me toxic. I don’t understand why my sister suddenly believed all these lies about me without even bothering to investigate and ask me. I would never EVER hurt my dad the way she claims i would. I wish I could give more context, but it’s such a long painful story. Am I really the problem here. Am I like missing something? Help

I wish I could move but my marriage is rocky. My husband is having an emotional affair with someone online. He shared to them that I'm irresponsible with money. So moving isn't smart since we can't afford it and still owe on a house we tried purchasing and never were responsible for. He's making me lose hope, since he apparently thinks I spend money on the wrong things and that's why we are in the rut we are in. Having to live with mother and losing our forever home. Now I feel stuck.