i know i am ruining the lives of all my friends and my partner, and i know they wouldve been better off never meeting me. but i know that killing myself would just burden them with the trauma of that for the rest of their lives. i have been in therapy for 12 years, i am not getting better. what could i possibly do now, then. what options do i really have anymore?

I am going to visit with a young black man early this afternoon. My 3rd time to be honest. Very nice guy. His part or role is to be the dominant partner which is natural for him. He will talk down to me, basically to intimidate and humiliate I submit while he has his way With [url censored] telling how long it will go because he has tremendous stamina and incredible labito.

I hug male family members sometimes

I like wearing dog collars now. So far, I only wear them in my home when no one is around to see me wearing them. I'm ready to wear them outside with the right outfit.

I think I’m dying. I can feel my health slowly deteriorating by the day, symptoms becoming worse and I’m slowly becoming completely bedridden again. My mom says it’s just my disease flaring up, that I’ll just need to readjust my medication dose and I should be fine. But it doesn’t feel like that I feel like all my energy has been ripped away, I’m having to take strong pain medication just to make it through the day without being left suffering in total agony, I’m sleeping practically 24/7, it feels hard to breathe sometimes, I’ve been unable to leave my bed for the past month Hell, I haven’t even managed to get to the hospital to get checked out. And the last time we called an ambulance I had a fucking panic attack. And honestly? Even if I am dying? I’m sorta okay with it, at least it means my illness will be gone. I’ll finally be able to feel free of pain for the first time in over two decades.